The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
