He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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