This is not my ceiling
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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