Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
