I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
