I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
