Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
