dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
