i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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