I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
