Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
