After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
