Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She bit a glass in half.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
