So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
