Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
