I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
