apparently the secret to your success is patron
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
