alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
