I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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