Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
