She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
