Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All the doctor said was why
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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