I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need moral support for this bender
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
