It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
