I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
