so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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