is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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