The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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