I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
