Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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