dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
