Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
