Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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