If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
