just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
