I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
