how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
