Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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