I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
