I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
