I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
