You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
