Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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