I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
