Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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