i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
