I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
