Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
