he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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