I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
