Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
