me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
